Recently, a couple of my friends told me they are tiring of their weekly playgroup and want to “jump ship.” The only problem is, they fear the potential ramifications of their departure.Will the other women ever speak to them again? Will they be black balled from joining the PTA? Will the children bombard them with Dunkin’ Munchkins® as they make their exit? It’s almost as if they are a member of a gang and they can’t “jump out” because the pull of the gang is too strong and the potential consequences of leaving the gang are too great.
For those of you who might not be familiar, a playgroup is basically a group of mothers and their young children gathering together at an agreed upon location, usually one of the mother’s homes. The mothers drink coffee while the children play harmoniously nearby. It’s an opportunity for both mother and child to socialize with their peers and build life-long relationships. It’s really a great concept…in theory.
“Suzy, why are you crying?”
“Billy pulled my hair…really, really hard.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
This is one type of altercation that typically takes place. And then, it’s not long before…
“Mom, Ricky put my hamster in the toilet.”
“I just wanted to see if it could swim. It can’t. Stupid hamster.”
And so it goes. The harmonious sounds of children playing nearby turn into the shrieks of battling toddlers trying to prove their proverbial “pecking order” in this unlikely suburban version of gang life. After a few weeks of this “in-fighting” it’s no wonder my friends want to head for the hills (or therapy, as the case may be). But, it’s also no wonder they fear what might happen after they depart.”
Can you believe Mary left the playgroup?”
“No. Does she think she’s better than us?”
“Who knows, but I’m not letting Johnny play with Danny anymore.”
“Me either.”
It’s this “gang mentality” that is really frightening. It starts when the playgroup is forming. In order to “jump in” or join, you must prove yourself worthy of belonging. In the gang world, this generally means behaving badly to prove you are just as tough as the gang members. In the playgroup world, you must prove your toughness by hosting the playgroup, serving award-winning apple strudel, and remaining composed when Jimmy spills grape juice on your pristine white sofa – the smallest flinch could end your chance of ever becoming a member. An acceptable reaction would be, “That’s okay Jimmy, we were thinking of tie-dying the couch anyway. Thanks.” You’re in!Then, there is the uniform. In gang life, members generally don like-colored baseball caps or bandanas to show their allegiance. In playgroups, the wardrobe of choice is stretch pants, white turtleneck, and sweatshirt stating, “World’s Best Mom” or something equally as trite. And at holiday time, the ever-so-lovely festive holiday cardigan replaces the sweatshirt, the more pumpkins or snowmen the better.Some playgroups even come up with names for their group similar to gangs. An infamous gang name…the “Crips.” An infamous playgroup name…the “Cribs.”The vehicles gangs and playgroups travel in are equally notable. While gang members might cruise in a rusty Cadillac with bass-shaking tunes blaring from the oversized woofers in the trunk, members of a playgroup cruise the “hood” in colorful minivans blaring, “The Wheels on the Bus,” from their crude cassette deck.I feel bad for my friends trying to break free. It seems like an impossible task. Maybe it would be easier for them to get kicked out. You know, “get them before they get you.”"Mary, this, uh, devils food cake tastes a little funny.”"Oh, really.”"Yeah, and my stomach isn’t feeling that great.”"Hmmm. I’m sorry.”"Me too. Where’s your bathroom?”"Right down the hall on the right. Danny, why don’t you take out your fingerpaints and do some painting with the kids.”"Okay, Mommy.”"Mommy, Danny is painting scary pictures and won’t stop saying, “Red Rum, Red Rum.”"{ALL CHILDREN SCREAM. MOTHERS GRAB CHILDREN AND MAKE A DASH FOR THE DOOR.}”Leaving so soon?”{NO ANSWER}”Mommy, why did you want me to paint scary pictures and say, “Red Rum, Red Rum?”"”Oh, no reason honey, but you did a great job.”"Thanks, Mommy.”Mission accomplished!
