My husband and I have been married for 15 years and in all that time, he’s probably gone out with his friends about 10 times. Now, all of a sudden, he’s out having “play dates” with his buddies virtually every weekend. His average has just spiked up about 4,000%. What’s up with that?
I’ve always known the value of friendship. Heck, without my girlfriends, I’d probably be in the nut house by now. Let’s face it, we can’t talk to our husbands about the things that really matter in life like a new bra that truly does lift and separate, whether we should get frivolous fawn or awesome amber highlights, how hot Matthew McConaughey is, or how we’re going to hide the fact that we just spent our weekly grocery money on a pair of shoes and a purse.
So, I wonder, is my husband just realizing what I’ve known all along about the importance of camaraderie with people of the same sex, or are these latest dalliances a way to escape his wife and family?
When my husband first started planning these outings, I thought it was cute. I mean, it’s nice to know your husband is well liked and has friends. After all, his plans were pretty innocent. He was just going biking, kayaking, hiking, and doing other outdoorsy male bonding stuff. I figured at least these were all healthy activities compared to the days of old when we were dating and he would go out with his pals drinking and presumably scoping chicks or to somebody’s house to smoke cigars and play poker.
So, back to my original question. Is my husband suddenly going out with his friends just for fun and to blow off steam, or is it because he is trying to escape the reality of an aging wife and two sons that think swinging from the chandelier is a commonplace activity?
I’m starting to think I need to nip this thing in the bud. Right now it’s just a couple of hours on a Saturday or Sunday, but soon he’ll want to attend the male equivalent of a Pampered Chef or Mary Kay party where we sit around, talk about our husbands, spend lots of money, and drink buckets of wine. Of course, I’m not exactly sure what the male equivalent would be, but perhaps it would be a party where the host is selling the latest in leather jackets and Harley Davidsons and the guys are sitting around drinking beer and, heaven forbid, talking about the fact that their wife’s idea of lingerie is flannel jammies and her firm attractive body that they once loved has finally met its match…gravity! Oh no, this definitely isn’t good.
And after that, he’ll want to do what I do and go away for a whole weekend with his friends to a spa! No way am I going to let my husband go somewhere where a female masseuse with long flowing blonde hair and hands like silk are at his ready to massage all of his manly body parts. Not going to happen.
I definitely need to stop this impending train wreck. There’s simply no room in this marriage for both of us to have friends. It wasn’t long ago that he was perfectly content mowing the lawn, painting the house, and going to the town dump for fun. I think it’s high time he goes back to enjoying these leisure activities. Yeah, that’s it. I’m putting my size nine, formerly a dainty eight and a half pre-pregnancy, foot down and laying down the law. From now on…no friends.
“Honey,” I begin, in my stern ‘I wear the pants in this family’ voice, “We need to talk.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” he responds.
Hmmmm. Could he possibly be ready to tell me that he thinks he’s been spending too much time with his friends and realizes he would much rather be home spending time with his wife and kids. Say it isn’t so?
It isn’t so. “Honey, the guys and I were thinking about going to Las Vegas for a week this fall to hit the casinos and stuff. Whadda ya think?”
I’m doomed.
